Life Transitions

How to Cope When Your 20's Don’t Look How You Expected

Let’s be honest, most of us grew up thinking our 20's would be the decade.

We’d have our dream job, an apartment that smells like eucalyptus candles, a solid group of friends, and maybe even a soulmate.

But real life? It’s messy.

Jobs fall through. Friendships shift. You question your entire career path at 2 a.m. Some days, you’re proud of yourself for cooking dinner instead of eating cereal on the couch, and that’s okay.

If your 20's don’t look how you expected, here’s your reminder: you’re not behind. You’re just becoming.

 1. Let Yourself Grieve the Version You Imagined

You’re allowed to feel sad that things didn’t go the way you thought they would.

Maybe you imagined being more “put together,” or already living your dream life. It’s okay to grieve that version of yourself, it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for where you are.

Grief makes room for acceptance. You can love your current life and still wish parts of it looked different. Both can be true.

 2. Stop Comparing Your Timeline to Everyone Else’s

It’s so easy to scroll and think everyone else has it figured out.

Engagements, promotions, travel, it looks like you’re the only one still trying to sort things out.

But behind the filters, everyone’s figuring something out.

Your 20's are not a race. They’re a season of learning, trying, failing, and trying again. You’re not late, you’re on your timeline.

3. Redefine What Success Means to You

Maybe you don’t have the “perfect job,” but you’ve learned how to set boundaries. Maybe you’re still in school, but you’re finally taking care of your mental health.

That is success.

The version of success you were sold might not fit who you are now, and that’s growth.

Take a minute to ask yourself:

• What do I want my life to feel like, not just look like?

• What’s one small thing I can do today that feels like alignment, not pressure?

4. Focus on Small Wins

You don’t need a five-year plan right now, you need small steps that make you feel grounded.

Make your bed. Go for a walk. Apply for that job. Try something new, even if you’re scared.

The small, quiet wins you collect now will build the foundation for everything that comes later.

5. Surround Yourself With People Who Get It

You deserve people who remind you that you’re doing your best, not people who make you feel behind.

Choose friends who talk about growth, not gossip. People who celebrate your progress, not your perfection.

The right people make uncertainty feel a little less heavy.

6. Remember: Uncertainty Isn’t Failure

Feeling lost doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re growing in ways you can’t see yet.

You’re figuring out what fits, what doesn’t, and who you want to be. That’s powerful work, even if it doesn’t feel glamorous.

One day, you’ll look back and realize these years shaped you more than any of the ones you planned.

Final Thought

If your 20's don’t look like you imagined, that’s okay. You’re not behind. You’re learning, evolving, becoming, and that’s exactly where you’re meant to be.

Take the pressure off.

Breathe.

Keep going.

Need a Little Extra Support?

If you’ve been feeling stuck, lost, or unsure where to go next, you don’t have to figure it out alone. At Light the Way Counseling, we help young adults navigate life’s transitions, manage anxiety, and build confidence in who they’re becoming. Your 20's can feel overwhelming, but there’s light ahead, and we’ll help you find it.

Learn more or schedule a session at Light the Way Counseling